So, I just dropped off my mom at the airport like I've done many times before when she's flown here to visit. But, this time I couldn't help but cry in the car when she left. And as much as I tell myself I've completely moved on from my dysfunctional child hood (that consisted of her bailing from her mom role to do drugs and end up on the street) I realized how much I do desire a relationship with her still. After I told myself I need her in my life. But I've never cried dropping her off. Their was something so final about it all this time. And I guess knowing that she won't be able to afford flying here anytime in the near future and that this was the last time Jade was an only grand child since my sister will have had her baby the next time we all see another again was what made me sad. Or that I realize how much older I'm turning this month therefore making my mom seem older. Whatever it is. I feel sad. And I miss my mom. She makes my life so much easier. And now I've realized I've been sitting here at the mall for an hour waiting for something new to draw my attention away from my sadness.
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